Months ago, probably almost a year, I had a fortune cookie. I expected something silly, but instead got a statement so poignant, I kept it, and as I look back, I think, how could a stale, crunchy little cookie be so smart?
The statement was this: "Cut your losses. You waited long enough.". While it could apply to anyone, or really anything for that matter, I knew then, what it meant for me. I knew then what it meant, but I didn't want to face it. I knew then, that the man I loved would never love me enough to do what was necessary for us to really go the distance. Alas, I was happy, and in love, and now find myself in a topsy turvy tin of emotions, anger, sadness, loss, regret.
But all of this has lead me to the real theme of the blog this evening, Fall television. Now that it's just me, the kitty, and the DVR, I thought I would help you lost souls with relationships and those with lives find the best programming to watch. For other loners like myself, just compare my notes with your mental ones, and feel free to comment!
MONDAY NIGHT
8P
Big Bang Theory/How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Chuck (NBC)
Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox)
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
Gossip Girl (CW)
My Pick: If you are solo (and female), it's a no-brainer. "Gossip Girl", which premiered on Labor Day, is off to quite the juicy start. Chuck and Blair and their twisted, ruthless, cutthroat characteristics make the show exciting, and if this season is half as naughty, intriguing, and decadent as the marketing ads, we're in for a treat!
8:30P - For those who think Gossip Girl is going a bit too far, "How I Met Your Mother" is a great show, starring the man who makes it worth watching, Neil Patrick Harris. It's quirky and accessible, and makes you feel like you could easily be a part of their funny little world.
9P -
Two & a Half Men/Worst Week (CBS)
The Closer (TNT)
Heroes (NBC)
Prison Break (Fox)
One Tree Hill (CW)
My Pick: Mondays at 9p, as if there was any other choice, I am fully backing "Heroes". It's really the only respectable option. It's different from any series on television, bringing out the comic book geek in all of us. This season, the theme is Villains, which means, of course the evil baddie we love to hate, Sylar makes quite the appearance. With new characters and interesting twists and turns just in the first few episodes, I'm definitely in for the long haul.
10P
CSI: Miami (CBS)
Raising the Bar (TNT)
My Own Worst Enemy (NBC)
Boston Legal (ABC)
My Pick: The 10p hour is tough to call, since I haven't seen Christian Slater in My Own Worst Enemy yet. For now, I'm pushing the underdog, Raising the Bar, with a really great ensemble cast (Mark Paul Gosselaar, Gloria Reuben (e.r.), Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle), and J. August Richards (Angel) just to name a few). It's good drama, one that reminds me of Law & Order, in the way that happy endings don't always happen; justice lives in the realm of shades of gray, and the answers aren't always easy. It's emotional, but quality, and until I get a whiff of My Own Worst Enemy, it's my pick du jour.
TUESDAY NIGHT
8P
NCIS (CBS)
Biggest Loser: Families (NBC)
House (Fox)
Opportunity Knocks (ABC)
90210 (CW)
My Pick: It's obvious--90210. Well, of course I'm going to pick 90210! I was from the generation who watched the original, but was probably too young to truly understand the themes (I was young, but have an old soul, so I totally understood the themes). It's not as decadent and distant as those crazy "Gossip" kids, but it does the trick for Tuesday. AnnaLynne McCord (psycho LA vixen spoiled daughter on Nip/Tuck) plays Naomi, a spoiled LA vixen daughter, while Brenda plays a changed woman...or is she? I'm totally down to find out.
I should add that since I own a DVR, I record "House", because even though the general point of the show remains the same, I love him, and the cast old and new. I've been hooked since the season 2 finale, and I'm loving every minute of it.
9P
The Mentalist (CBS)
Fringe (Fox)
Dancing With the Stars (Fox)
Privileged (CW)
Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo)
My Pick: Privileged at 9P is an easy watch. Starring Joanna Garcia (preggars teen from Reba), as a tutor for Palm Beach high society brats with redeeming qualities (I guess we find those out later), and is surrounding by extremely sexy suitors. As a female, it's a really easy series to sit through, and I'll be watching.
PS- thanks to the wonderful world of DVR, I've been recording "Fringe". I haven't actually watched it yet, but it's got Joshua Jackson, so I'm sure I'll tune in sooner or later.
Also, The Mentalist is worth taking a look-- the series stars Simon Baker (Something New, The Guardian), and the first episode piqued my interest.
10P
Without a Trace (CBS)
Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
How to Look Good Naked (Lifetime)
Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo)
My Pick: Um, quite obvious answer here..."Law & Order: SVU"!!! Every season is even darker and grittier than the previous year. The best part is, even though there are special guest stars up the wazoo, the series is still churning out quality product. It's almost as if big stars stopping by causes them to step up their dramatic acting skills. This season, it looks as if it's taking a darker turn, pushing all of our beloved detectives to the edge-- I'm there!
PS- For all of you who live for fashion and style, the "Rachel Zoe Project" is the show for you. I love Rachel and her expressions that will live only on her show, but my absolute fav is Brad, who is the best friend I always wanted. Each episode is a fun ride of shameless name-dropping, loads of fashion, and buckets of drama. If you live for labels you can't afford, this show is right up your alley.
WEDNESDAY NIGHT
8P
New Adventures of Old Christine/Gary Unmarried (CBS)
Knight Rider (NBC)
Bones (Fox)
Pushing Daisies (ABC)
America's Next Top Model (CW)
My Pick: Yes, we know I'm all going to be all for Top Model, but I'm going to be picking Bones. It's an entertaining show, that's quirky without being over the top. One show I'm SUPER-anti, that would be Knight Rider. I watched a chunk of it, and I don't know what's more sad; the show's bad dialogue, or the fact that my one time super crush Val Kilmer is playing the voice of KITT...that's right, I'll repeat it: Val Kilmer is the VOICE of KITT.
9P
Criminal Minds (CBS)
Til Death/Til Death (Fox)
Private Practice (Fox)
90210 encore (CW)
Project Runway (Bravo)
My Pick: Since the sudden (but not so surprising) departure of "Do Not Disturb" has left a hole in the Fox schedule...one they are currently filling with, um another episode of Til Death (ugh), and CW is airing encores of "90210" until "Stylista" starts 10/22, my pick is "Private Practice". The Grey's Anatomy spin-off is in its second season, and it seems they plan to throw a wrench into the hip medical practice's dysfunctional family dynamic. The medical side of the series, seems to also be taking an interesting turn, questioning medical ethics, and taking us on the ride. I'm quite intrigued.
10P
CSI:NY (CBS)
Lipstick Jungle (NBC)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
Top Design (Bravo)
My Pick: Personally, I'm going to go with "Dirty Sexy Money" for a couple of reasons. The first, is that it's such a caricature of the wealthy elite, it's quite amusing. The second, is that really, it's the only option. "Lipstick Jungle" is terrible ( I remain loyal to the fallen series "Cashmere Mafia"), even though I love the return of Andrew McCarthy as a younger, sexier version of Donald Trump; "CSI:NY" is a parody of the original. The truly awful accents, alone keep me away from the wannabe carbon copy of CSI. With no decent options, I'm left with no choice but to tune in to "Dirty Sexy Money"...and the return of the sexy Blair Underwood.
THURSDAY NIGHT
8P
Survivor: Gabon (CBS)
My Name is Earl/Kath & Kim (NBC)
Hole in the Wall (Fox)
Ugly Betty (ABC)
Smallville (CW)
My Pick: Personally, out of this bunch, I think "Ugly Betty' is clearly my pick out of this bunch. Whether you're a man or woman, the quirky heroine in this series has appeal for all. Also, a point to help sway the dudes, Rebecca Romijn (Mystique in X-MEN, you know, the naked blue chick) is in...and she wears tight skirts...(gals, just forget to mention that she's expecting...)
9P
CSI (CBS)
The Office/Various (NBC)
Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
Kitchen Nightmares (Fox)
Supernatural (CW)
My Pick: Ok, personally, I'm going to fully endorse "Grey's Anatomy". I think the ensemble cast really is outstanding, and the show displays diversity seen nowhere else on TV. I really enjoy the fact that Seattle Grace looks like the hospitals real people visit everyday. The drama is delicious, and I like to tue-in to see what "Mc" they'll come up with next.
10P
Eleventh Hour (CBS)
E.R. (NBC)
Life on Mars (ABC)
Tim Gunn's Guide to Style (Bravo)
My Pick: This is a tough hour...What I can suggest to avoid-"Eleventh Hour", like Fox's now defunct "Vanished" is an hour of deep, complicated, convoluted...I think I'm running out of things to say that truly explain the difficult web that is this show...and that's just based on the extended preview trailer I saw.
FRIDAY NIGHT
8P
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
Crusoe (NBC)
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (Fox)
Wife Swap (ABC)
Everybody Hates Chris/The Game (CW)
My Pick: If you're my mom, then you'll be all for "Ghost Whisperer" starring Jennifer "Yawn" Love Hewitt. If you are younger than 60, I suggest checking out the CW tonight. "Everybody Hates Chris" and "The Game" (although not so much "The Game") are funny shows that find a way to break through their supposed "niche"(a.k.a Black) appeal. Check it out, and you may be pleasantly surprised.
9P
The Ex List (CBS)
Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader (Fox)
Supernanny (ABC)
America's Next Top Model encore (CW)
My Pick: Yeah - this is a tough one...luckily, "Californication" is on Showtime at 9:30p, so I'll cruise the internet for an hour...or get away from the television!!!
10P
NUMB3RS (CBS)
Life(NBC)
20/20 (ABC)
My Pick: Ok...if you're home, I'm going to say "Life", since it's a show with a quirky sense of humor, and it really grows on you. A different type of cop show, it finds the funny side of life, and an outside the box thought process. Think "House" but much, much, lighter.
I'm going to skip Saturday...My pick? Go out. Then, come home, and watch SNL. The end.
SUNDAY NIGHT
8P
Amazing Race (CBS)
Sunday Night Football (NBC)
The Simpsons/King of the Hill (Fox)
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
Valentine (CW)
My Pick: Well, clearly, I'm all for Sunday Night Football. Okay, that probably wasn't a given, but I love football, so that's my pick...if not that, then I'd say go for "Valentine". Seriously, anything is better than "Amazing Race".
9P
Cold Case (CBS)
Family Guy/American Dad (Fox)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Easy Money (CW)
Rock of Love Charm School with Sharon Osbourne (VH1)
Army Wives (Lifetime)
Dexter (Showtime)
True Blood (HBO)
My Pick: While I am a big Dexter fan, I'm spoiled by the fact that it comes on at 11p, has 7 other replays throughout the week, AND it's available on-demand. So, with broadcast being so limited, and streaming is only a first choice for 30 Rock (I don't believe I've seen an episode on the TV), I pick "Desperate Housewives". It's dramatic and dark and hilarious. I absolutely love it! I don't love Eva Longoria's five-year-later makeover, but the show as a whole is absolutely clever.
10P
The Unit (CBS)
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Californication/Californication (Showtime)
Entourage/Little Britain USA (HBO)
My Pick: Ah, again, my pick would be "Californication" if it were not for the ample ways I could watch the show. Instead, I'll pick "Brothers & Sisters", the family drama that makes everyone else's family look tame.
Well that wraps up my lineup picks for each night (phew!). Tomorrow, I'll begin to chronicle my adventures in new experiences, including new activities I'm getting involved in, and oh yes, dating. Yes, folks, it's going to get very interesting.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The Highs & Lows of this Rainy Football Sunday
So, today has been quite the day. It's raining here, with highs and lows. First, the Mets can kiss the playoffs goodbye. How is that you say? Weren't they first in their division? Ah, well they were, and then they weren't. Well, they were a lock for the wildcard position, right? Nope. So, for the second year in a row, the Mets choke. Go Brewers! You haven't seen a playoff since a year after I was born (1982). Ah well. Maybe next year. To add insult to injury, my beloved Cowboys lost to the Redskins. What a crazy day.
I also started thinking about the next stage of getting over an ex: the "anger" phase. I started thinking about why I didn't see it coming. Why is it that women get so caught up in doing everything for men, and focusing on the good times, that we overlook the blaring "SOMETHING IS WRONG" sign. I should've given him the boot months ago, but I didn't, because I was too focused on how great things seemed to be. I knew deep down something was wrong, and that it was a problem, but I figured it would resolve itself.
Why do women do that? While I'm sure there are men out there who mean well, to be honest, they're kind of useless. Think about it-- from birth, a guy has it so easy. Violent and tortures dogs, he will totally find a chick. Fat, schlubby, bastard? Totally will find a woman who will love and support him. Think about it-- we live in a world where Brad Pitt, Tyson Beckford, and Jonah Hill can all have women up the wazoo. I'm sorry, but it's just ridiculous. A man makes more money, has to worry less about hygiene and physical upkeep, grooming, just because he has a penis.
Look, I like Jonah Hill as much as the next Judd Apatow fan who's getting tired of the same people playing the same characters with different names, but let's be honest; if he were a chick, we would know nothing about her, because she would be in her studio apartment in the valley eating ho-hos on the couch curled up with her cat.
Women make less money (77 cents to a man's dollar), have to deal with body and weight issues, put on us by the rest of society and men. We have to look forward to breast cancer, and if that doesn't get us, stress and hypertension will, and oh, I forgot about that pesky little thing, childbirth. It's insane! Why do we put up with all the sh*t that we do?!? Just the monthly upkeep of a woman is outrageous, and we do it willingly, for them. Unbelievable.
I can't believe, that after a life of being constantly let down by the men in my life, I do something so stupid, I fall for a boy, who while in general said he was different, turned out to be just like every other. I'm angry now, but smarter, because like the Who says, "we won't be fooled again".
Starting next week, I'm going to focus on primetime programming, and what you should be watching, since I'll have seen everything there is to see on TV, since my heart was broken by a useless boy...but seriously, I'm not bitter...not too much (wink).
I also started thinking about the next stage of getting over an ex: the "anger" phase. I started thinking about why I didn't see it coming. Why is it that women get so caught up in doing everything for men, and focusing on the good times, that we overlook the blaring "SOMETHING IS WRONG" sign. I should've given him the boot months ago, but I didn't, because I was too focused on how great things seemed to be. I knew deep down something was wrong, and that it was a problem, but I figured it would resolve itself.
Why do women do that? While I'm sure there are men out there who mean well, to be honest, they're kind of useless. Think about it-- from birth, a guy has it so easy. Violent and tortures dogs, he will totally find a chick. Fat, schlubby, bastard? Totally will find a woman who will love and support him. Think about it-- we live in a world where Brad Pitt, Tyson Beckford, and Jonah Hill can all have women up the wazoo. I'm sorry, but it's just ridiculous. A man makes more money, has to worry less about hygiene and physical upkeep, grooming, just because he has a penis.
Look, I like Jonah Hill as much as the next Judd Apatow fan who's getting tired of the same people playing the same characters with different names, but let's be honest; if he were a chick, we would know nothing about her, because she would be in her studio apartment in the valley eating ho-hos on the couch curled up with her cat.
Women make less money (77 cents to a man's dollar), have to deal with body and weight issues, put on us by the rest of society and men. We have to look forward to breast cancer, and if that doesn't get us, stress and hypertension will, and oh, I forgot about that pesky little thing, childbirth. It's insane! Why do we put up with all the sh*t that we do?!? Just the monthly upkeep of a woman is outrageous, and we do it willingly, for them. Unbelievable.
I can't believe, that after a life of being constantly let down by the men in my life, I do something so stupid, I fall for a boy, who while in general said he was different, turned out to be just like every other. I'm angry now, but smarter, because like the Who says, "we won't be fooled again".
Starting next week, I'm going to focus on primetime programming, and what you should be watching, since I'll have seen everything there is to see on TV, since my heart was broken by a useless boy...but seriously, I'm not bitter...not too much (wink).
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Ah, the Possibilities...
So, today I taught my dance classes...the little ones who have a whole future ahead of them, all they can think about is eating their snack when the class is over. Oh how cute...it's especially cute since they're not my kids, I can give 'em back to their mamas and papas. Yup, I'm still not in a place where I fully like children.
So, I went to the movies last night with a friend-- we went to see "Righteous Kill". It was OK...obviously, DeNiro and Pacino were good, but the story was fairly predictable, and I was really in a mood to see more people get brutally murdered. I wish I could be more descriptive about the movie, and tell you why I felt the way I did about the film, but if I say anything, I'll ruin it for you. It's an OK movie...I'd say, if you've recently had your heart broken, or you are obsessed with De Niro and Pacino in the same movie and have been waiting with bated breath since "Heat", then go check it out. In terms of serious carnage and excitement, Max Payne will have to fill that void when it comes out.
So, the theme of this blog is "possibilities". While I'm not ready to jump into a new relationship, I do think that I need to focus on the possibilities in my life. When I think about the life I had with my ex, it was fun, and special, but I realize now, that it wasn't the be all, end all I thought it was just weeks ago.
I wonder if its better to fight with a guy, be passionate, get angry, and come together, and be involved with his parents and his friends. I think that may be more of what I want. I think about other couples who let parents get in the way of being happy, and I thinkits so so sad, and pathetic. I love my mom, she is EVERYTHING to me, but she will never get in the way of my happiness. The thing is, she loves me, and would never want to stand in the way of my progress. In the past few days I've heard so many stories---we don't go over to his mother's house because...His mother won't even go downstairs to see the grandbaby because...They cut him off because she married...
It's crazy! First of all, the one common thread, I saw, was that mommas of boys, can be major bitches. Yes, I said it. Sometimes they aren't, but yikes...when they are, look out! Whatever, I can't even deal with people who haven't evolved. If you think it's one thing to be friends with someone, but it's another thing to date them and marry them and whatever, that you are part of the problem, not the solution. Those people are hindering our theme of "possibilities", and that is UNACCEPTABLE.
I think of the possibility of being with a man who loves me just the way I am, my silliness, my competitive side, the chattiness, the love of TV, film, loving me, and laughing with me. I think about the possibility of not being hurt or bitter, and being able to have a conversation with my ex, and being able to talk about our relationship without that sting, being able to speak to him when our paths cross.
I don't think about the possibility of being friends, because right now, I think it's important to move forward, and while it was great, and there were really good times, I have friends who are great. I have amazing people in my life who have impacted me and will continue to help me develop into the person I am becoming. Imagine if you were friends with every single ex? Ugh. Pass.
I like focusing on the good things in my life right now. Good friends, good family. Good pet cat, Sebastian. I have a great job, and I'm going to focus on those things, and really focus on what makes me the little special, quirky, weirdo that I am.
For others out there, who have had their hearts broken, I say this: While I still think it's better to have never been in love than to be in the pain that I was in, I do feel that it makes me stronger. Never let a man -- or woman for that matter, break you. While my ex is a good guy, he is just a man, just human. He is no better or worse than any other man or woman in his position. I laugh at the thought that someone out there would think that my silence would mean the end of me, or that I am crouching in a corner, scared to live my life because of this small bump in the road.
We are strong, and capable, and while it may hurt now, and he or she may never walk through the door again., and that's OK. I was fine before my ex, and you will be too. I think getting through this wee has really taught me a lot. It's taught me about what I can accomplish when I just believe in myself, which I didn't have a problem doing before I had a man in my life, and I definitely won't have a problem doing after.
Change is upon us, people! It's time to put up, or shut up. I plan to "work it" everyday. Keep it moving. Don't think about how your ex is doing. If you can't get him or her out of your head, and you wonder if you made the right decision, then maybe it's time to grow a pair and re-examine your life. Otherwise, move on...and while you're at it, leave me the hell alone.
So people, thanks for your comments, and your input. I appreciate all the stories and concern. Just remember, while it is a blog, it's MY blog, and I write what I feel. If you don't like the entry for the day, um...just like a TV show, check out something else. Otherwise, keep reading, and keep passing it on to others!
Go Cowboys!!!
So, I went to the movies last night with a friend-- we went to see "Righteous Kill". It was OK...obviously, DeNiro and Pacino were good, but the story was fairly predictable, and I was really in a mood to see more people get brutally murdered. I wish I could be more descriptive about the movie, and tell you why I felt the way I did about the film, but if I say anything, I'll ruin it for you. It's an OK movie...I'd say, if you've recently had your heart broken, or you are obsessed with De Niro and Pacino in the same movie and have been waiting with bated breath since "Heat", then go check it out. In terms of serious carnage and excitement, Max Payne will have to fill that void when it comes out.
So, the theme of this blog is "possibilities". While I'm not ready to jump into a new relationship, I do think that I need to focus on the possibilities in my life. When I think about the life I had with my ex, it was fun, and special, but I realize now, that it wasn't the be all, end all I thought it was just weeks ago.
I wonder if its better to fight with a guy, be passionate, get angry, and come together, and be involved with his parents and his friends. I think that may be more of what I want. I think about other couples who let parents get in the way of being happy, and I thinkits so so sad, and pathetic. I love my mom, she is EVERYTHING to me, but she will never get in the way of my happiness. The thing is, she loves me, and would never want to stand in the way of my progress. In the past few days I've heard so many stories---we don't go over to his mother's house because...His mother won't even go downstairs to see the grandbaby because...They cut him off because she married...
It's crazy! First of all, the one common thread, I saw, was that mommas of boys, can be major bitches. Yes, I said it. Sometimes they aren't, but yikes...when they are, look out! Whatever, I can't even deal with people who haven't evolved. If you think it's one thing to be friends with someone, but it's another thing to date them and marry them and whatever, that you are part of the problem, not the solution. Those people are hindering our theme of "possibilities", and that is UNACCEPTABLE.
I think of the possibility of being with a man who loves me just the way I am, my silliness, my competitive side, the chattiness, the love of TV, film, loving me, and laughing with me. I think about the possibility of not being hurt or bitter, and being able to have a conversation with my ex, and being able to talk about our relationship without that sting, being able to speak to him when our paths cross.
I don't think about the possibility of being friends, because right now, I think it's important to move forward, and while it was great, and there were really good times, I have friends who are great. I have amazing people in my life who have impacted me and will continue to help me develop into the person I am becoming. Imagine if you were friends with every single ex? Ugh. Pass.
I like focusing on the good things in my life right now. Good friends, good family. Good pet cat, Sebastian. I have a great job, and I'm going to focus on those things, and really focus on what makes me the little special, quirky, weirdo that I am.
For others out there, who have had their hearts broken, I say this: While I still think it's better to have never been in love than to be in the pain that I was in, I do feel that it makes me stronger. Never let a man -- or woman for that matter, break you. While my ex is a good guy, he is just a man, just human. He is no better or worse than any other man or woman in his position. I laugh at the thought that someone out there would think that my silence would mean the end of me, or that I am crouching in a corner, scared to live my life because of this small bump in the road.
We are strong, and capable, and while it may hurt now, and he or she may never walk through the door again., and that's OK. I was fine before my ex, and you will be too. I think getting through this wee has really taught me a lot. It's taught me about what I can accomplish when I just believe in myself, which I didn't have a problem doing before I had a man in my life, and I definitely won't have a problem doing after.
Change is upon us, people! It's time to put up, or shut up. I plan to "work it" everyday. Keep it moving. Don't think about how your ex is doing. If you can't get him or her out of your head, and you wonder if you made the right decision, then maybe it's time to grow a pair and re-examine your life. Otherwise, move on...and while you're at it, leave me the hell alone.
So people, thanks for your comments, and your input. I appreciate all the stories and concern. Just remember, while it is a blog, it's MY blog, and I write what I feel. If you don't like the entry for the day, um...just like a TV show, check out something else. Otherwise, keep reading, and keep passing it on to others!
Go Cowboys!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Blog Therapy 211: The Other Side of Crazy
So I was on the elevator this morning. Another guy, completely normal looking, regular attractive also got on with me. He looked a slightly disheveled, like maybe he was out the night before, or maybe it was the overall Hump Day worker bee syndrome. Either way, totally not the point. On the elevator, he was having this conversation with the other guy (whom I didn't mention due to lack of importance until this sentence) about his long night. Turns out, his girlfriend saw a moth at their apartment last night, and since she has OCD, they had to turn out the place like a pair of NARCS on an episode of COPS, looking for the source of the moth. After the Indiana Jones Quest of the Moth King, they have to turn around, and make the place all "spiffified".
It was at this point I realized, this chick is crazy! But the worst part, she has a man!!! A man who says, "yes, let's tear it all apart looking for a moth, and then, rearrange everything and whatever you want, because I love you, and I am dedicated". I just wanted to vomit.
Do I need to develop a neurotic personality? Maybe I need to be a high maintenance super BIATCH, because clearly, being low maintenance and real, and fun is just not cutting it at all.
I guess sometimes I get so frustrated at how unfair life can be. Why is it that the most dysfunctional, or needy women seem to find these knights who want nothing more than to whisk them away, fully commit, and marry them?? I don't even know what to think anymore. I am completely thrown. Men truly baffle me, and I may just be done with them. Lord knows, the good ones have seemed to be done with me for as long as I can remember.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Um, so as I type this, I am begrudgingly watching "Lipstuck Jungle", since the much more stylish and clever and sassy "Cashmere Mafia" was cancelled, and I don't know what city this show is set. Yes, I know, it's supposed to be NYC, but, um...who are these men? Where are they? Someone show me the part of the city where about 12 hot shirtless, single guys play basketball... Where are all these fabulous, successful, vanilla people? I guess they're living in an area of gotham that is outside my paygrade.
This show is pretty over-the-top and ridiculous, but being that I'm all on my own now, and life is sad and lonely, and it's just 'lil 'ol me and the cat (who is also completely uninterested in this goop, sprawled out on the foot of my bed), this is what I have to look forward to every night. Ah well...that's life I guess.
So my recommendation is to stay away from "Lipstick Jungle", unless, like me, you've had your heart ripped out of your chest and kicked around like David Beckham with a hacky sack. If that is the case, then saddle up for some of the most unrealistic, drivel ever, where great men are everywhere, and they can't wait to hook up with these women who, of course, never seem to have a shortage of wonderful adventures and available suitors. Ugh...sometimes I seriously hate TV. I should totally stick to "Heroes" and the whole end of the world scenarios.
It was at this point I realized, this chick is crazy! But the worst part, she has a man!!! A man who says, "yes, let's tear it all apart looking for a moth, and then, rearrange everything and whatever you want, because I love you, and I am dedicated". I just wanted to vomit.
Do I need to develop a neurotic personality? Maybe I need to be a high maintenance super BIATCH, because clearly, being low maintenance and real, and fun is just not cutting it at all.
I guess sometimes I get so frustrated at how unfair life can be. Why is it that the most dysfunctional, or needy women seem to find these knights who want nothing more than to whisk them away, fully commit, and marry them?? I don't even know what to think anymore. I am completely thrown. Men truly baffle me, and I may just be done with them. Lord knows, the good ones have seemed to be done with me for as long as I can remember.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Um, so as I type this, I am begrudgingly watching "Lipstuck Jungle", since the much more stylish and clever and sassy "Cashmere Mafia" was cancelled, and I don't know what city this show is set. Yes, I know, it's supposed to be NYC, but, um...who are these men? Where are they? Someone show me the part of the city where about 12 hot shirtless, single guys play basketball... Where are all these fabulous, successful, vanilla people? I guess they're living in an area of gotham that is outside my paygrade.
This show is pretty over-the-top and ridiculous, but being that I'm all on my own now, and life is sad and lonely, and it's just 'lil 'ol me and the cat (who is also completely uninterested in this goop, sprawled out on the foot of my bed), this is what I have to look forward to every night. Ah well...that's life I guess.
So my recommendation is to stay away from "Lipstick Jungle", unless, like me, you've had your heart ripped out of your chest and kicked around like David Beckham with a hacky sack. If that is the case, then saddle up for some of the most unrealistic, drivel ever, where great men are everywhere, and they can't wait to hook up with these women who, of course, never seem to have a shortage of wonderful adventures and available suitors. Ugh...sometimes I seriously hate TV. I should totally stick to "Heroes" and the whole end of the world scenarios.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Blog Therapy 101: Coping when Life Stomps on Your Throat
It's been a while since I wrote a blog, but now that I have significantly more time on my hands, and people say that writing is therapeutic, I figure I'll have a go.
So life (very) recently stomped on my chest-- I am knee-deep in break-up mode. Ah, heartache, the suckiest of pains, has descended upon me, and like Jimmy Kimmel holds on to a bad joke, it won't let me go.
So after you go through the days of weeping at your desk, wailing in the streets, cursing God and thinking you will never know love again, what next?
Well, right now I'm immersed in sadness, but at least I'm eating (somewhat) again. Two good things that come out of it are, 1: I have lost several pounds, & 2. The sadness is so heavy it makes me tired, thus curing my slight case of insomnia.
So now what? I splurged on Rock Band, which actually is pretty fun. When I'm not crying into the mike while singing Audioslave, I rock. I purchased some clothing items, from shirts to dresses down to new underwear (all on amazing sales of course). I've done the sappy long emotional letter thing, but after all that, after the troops are called in to force you to be an active person in the world, and now that you're semi-functioning, what happens?
Well, I don't know. If I did, I would've written a book, and it would've made millions, and this blog wouldn't matter. But right now, I'm at a point of self-examination. Why is it that I find myself constantly in this situation? Why does any woman for that matter? Today, on my way home, I realized that the question I always ask myself is, "Why am I always falling for men who can't give me what I need/deserve?" I think about past relationships that weren't serious, where I crossed ethnic boundaries, thinking this is what my heart wants, I owe it to myself to explore things. That seems to backfire, with each time being worse than the previous. This time I really did myself in, because I opened myself up, and fell deeply in love. I think, deep down, I always thought there was a boundary in his life that I could never cross. While I was fully involved in his day-to-day life, I was never exposed to this whole other world, which consisted of his parents, other family, and close friends.
The problem, I realize, is that while it sucks that I was never apart of that world, I let it pass, knowing deep down that it hurt, and that it bothered me, I always offered up excuses, like, "he needs time", and "he doesn't see them that often", etc. Even typing this, I realize that I offered up so many excuses, because I was happy on the surface, and scared to make waves.
I was an amazing girlfriend, who cooked for and supported him, laughed and cried with him, was a caregiver who could rock his world, and then watch football with him, because I loved the sport too. I believe he appreciated and loved the insides, but it was just the packaging that he never fully could accept. Maybe if I came in different packaging that could be accepted into his family, I wouldn't be writing this blog.
The issue is, why did I walk into this situation? I look at other couples, interracial couples, and I wonder how they make it work. How do these people find each other, love each other, and build a life? Of course, that begs the question, "Why can't I find my (insert race/ethnicity/religion) counterpart? If that is what is supposedly the natural choice, why can't I find it?
But when I think of all the arguments, all the talking heads who say things like, not finding yourself constantly attracted to someone who "looks like you", you find yourself in a form of self-hate...is that really true? Then I think about how for hundreds of years, people have "mingled" with other races, is there such a thing? As much as I am an idealist, and I think that we as a people have come such a long way, it seems that I am always reminded of how far we still need to go.
Personally, I think I'm drawn to men who are on some level or another unavailable. Whether it's because he's not ready for a long term relationship, is involved with a girlfriend that I never knew about, or, is not ready to include me in all aspects of his life. The more I think about it, I always feel as if I get it right, but then it turns out, I've got it all horribly wrong...you know, at this point in the movie of my life, isn't this when I go grab coffee at the shop with the coffee guy who is hot and has been pining for me for years, and then hope is restored? Bah, I hate romantic comedies...well, they are DEFINITELY more entertaining when you have someone in your life...when you don't, you hate them and eat bon bons.
In the end, I think the heart wants what it wants. I don't know what mine wants anymore, because right now its broken. Hopefully my heart will lead me to a man who can give me what I need--to be accepted in all aspects of his life; to be a unit that leads to him telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...that he'd rather fight with, laugh, and love me over any other woman. I truly hope I am done with men who are on some level unavailable.
I guess the thing that annoys me, is, men are always in the drivers' seat. They decide if they're ready to commit, and isn't that total bullshit? They can settle on a woman who they may sort of love, who fits in with what seems acceptable, and we just go along with it.
I think about people who are in long-term relationships, and people who have been married for decades. I think about how sad it is when a couple settles on one another, out of respect, appreciation, and duty to family. I think about how when the kids are gone, and there's no one left in the home, how sad it is when two people are so distant, because they were either never fully in love to begin with, or they just grew distant because they settled. I hope that is a fate I will never have, because I think I would rather be alone, than unhappy with someone.
I hope that I find the relationship I am currently getting over, only an upgrade. I want to live my life in love with the man I'm with, and he loves me puts me first, just like I will, with him.
Ah, but only time will tell what life has in store for me. So far, life, or higher powers that be are getting off on making me suffer...I mean, it's not like darfur, or slavery or anything, but it's still difficult...I mean, it's not exactly a hanged nail or one of those mac/pc commercials. It's actual pain. One day I'll be able to look back on this and laugh, and my boyfriend/fiance will laugh and say, "you're weird"--to which I'll reply, "well, you're in love with a weirdo"...to which he'll respond- "then I guess I'm marrying a weirdo". I know it sounds like a corny romcom movie, but I had something close to that, and I'm not going to settle for anything less.
Until next time folks...and since I have A LOT of time at night on my hands...when I'm not out partying and living la vida single life (right...aka watching Heroes and Gossip Girl)...you can bet your sweet little bottoms there will def be a next time.
So life (very) recently stomped on my chest-- I am knee-deep in break-up mode. Ah, heartache, the suckiest of pains, has descended upon me, and like Jimmy Kimmel holds on to a bad joke, it won't let me go.
So after you go through the days of weeping at your desk, wailing in the streets, cursing God and thinking you will never know love again, what next?
Well, right now I'm immersed in sadness, but at least I'm eating (somewhat) again. Two good things that come out of it are, 1: I have lost several pounds, & 2. The sadness is so heavy it makes me tired, thus curing my slight case of insomnia.
So now what? I splurged on Rock Band, which actually is pretty fun. When I'm not crying into the mike while singing Audioslave, I rock. I purchased some clothing items, from shirts to dresses down to new underwear (all on amazing sales of course). I've done the sappy long emotional letter thing, but after all that, after the troops are called in to force you to be an active person in the world, and now that you're semi-functioning, what happens?
Well, I don't know. If I did, I would've written a book, and it would've made millions, and this blog wouldn't matter. But right now, I'm at a point of self-examination. Why is it that I find myself constantly in this situation? Why does any woman for that matter? Today, on my way home, I realized that the question I always ask myself is, "Why am I always falling for men who can't give me what I need/deserve?" I think about past relationships that weren't serious, where I crossed ethnic boundaries, thinking this is what my heart wants, I owe it to myself to explore things. That seems to backfire, with each time being worse than the previous. This time I really did myself in, because I opened myself up, and fell deeply in love. I think, deep down, I always thought there was a boundary in his life that I could never cross. While I was fully involved in his day-to-day life, I was never exposed to this whole other world, which consisted of his parents, other family, and close friends.
The problem, I realize, is that while it sucks that I was never apart of that world, I let it pass, knowing deep down that it hurt, and that it bothered me, I always offered up excuses, like, "he needs time", and "he doesn't see them that often", etc. Even typing this, I realize that I offered up so many excuses, because I was happy on the surface, and scared to make waves.
I was an amazing girlfriend, who cooked for and supported him, laughed and cried with him, was a caregiver who could rock his world, and then watch football with him, because I loved the sport too. I believe he appreciated and loved the insides, but it was just the packaging that he never fully could accept. Maybe if I came in different packaging that could be accepted into his family, I wouldn't be writing this blog.
The issue is, why did I walk into this situation? I look at other couples, interracial couples, and I wonder how they make it work. How do these people find each other, love each other, and build a life? Of course, that begs the question, "Why can't I find my (insert race/ethnicity/religion) counterpart? If that is what is supposedly the natural choice, why can't I find it?
But when I think of all the arguments, all the talking heads who say things like, not finding yourself constantly attracted to someone who "looks like you", you find yourself in a form of self-hate...is that really true? Then I think about how for hundreds of years, people have "mingled" with other races, is there such a thing? As much as I am an idealist, and I think that we as a people have come such a long way, it seems that I am always reminded of how far we still need to go.
Personally, I think I'm drawn to men who are on some level or another unavailable. Whether it's because he's not ready for a long term relationship, is involved with a girlfriend that I never knew about, or, is not ready to include me in all aspects of his life. The more I think about it, I always feel as if I get it right, but then it turns out, I've got it all horribly wrong...you know, at this point in the movie of my life, isn't this when I go grab coffee at the shop with the coffee guy who is hot and has been pining for me for years, and then hope is restored? Bah, I hate romantic comedies...well, they are DEFINITELY more entertaining when you have someone in your life...when you don't, you hate them and eat bon bons.
In the end, I think the heart wants what it wants. I don't know what mine wants anymore, because right now its broken. Hopefully my heart will lead me to a man who can give me what I need--to be accepted in all aspects of his life; to be a unit that leads to him telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...that he'd rather fight with, laugh, and love me over any other woman. I truly hope I am done with men who are on some level unavailable.
I guess the thing that annoys me, is, men are always in the drivers' seat. They decide if they're ready to commit, and isn't that total bullshit? They can settle on a woman who they may sort of love, who fits in with what seems acceptable, and we just go along with it.
I think about people who are in long-term relationships, and people who have been married for decades. I think about how sad it is when a couple settles on one another, out of respect, appreciation, and duty to family. I think about how when the kids are gone, and there's no one left in the home, how sad it is when two people are so distant, because they were either never fully in love to begin with, or they just grew distant because they settled. I hope that is a fate I will never have, because I think I would rather be alone, than unhappy with someone.
I hope that I find the relationship I am currently getting over, only an upgrade. I want to live my life in love with the man I'm with, and he loves me puts me first, just like I will, with him.
Ah, but only time will tell what life has in store for me. So far, life, or higher powers that be are getting off on making me suffer...I mean, it's not like darfur, or slavery or anything, but it's still difficult...I mean, it's not exactly a hanged nail or one of those mac/pc commercials. It's actual pain. One day I'll be able to look back on this and laugh, and my boyfriend/fiance will laugh and say, "you're weird"--to which I'll reply, "well, you're in love with a weirdo"...to which he'll respond- "then I guess I'm marrying a weirdo". I know it sounds like a corny romcom movie, but I had something close to that, and I'm not going to settle for anything less.
Until next time folks...and since I have A LOT of time at night on my hands...when I'm not out partying and living la vida single life (right...aka watching Heroes and Gossip Girl)...you can bet your sweet little bottoms there will def be a next time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
