Fashion 101: Back to the Basics

Well, slightly overdo, but not a moment too late, it's time to dive into fashion. I'm going to start with the men, because, let's face it-- they need it the most. Okay, I take that back- it's not true, but let's face it, it seems as if some of them have given up. Ok ok- so you wanted to go for that lower east side, I'm from a rich family, but I want to pretend I'm a poor NYU student who thinks I'm so above fashion-- guess what- the look is old-- much older than those converses you're wearing. You look like ass on a stick with dirty sneakers. Get over yourselves. As for the rest of the men out there, get it together. As women, we have to shave, wax, go to the gym, buy make-up, get our hair done, make sure its luxurious, and make sure we wear sexy underwear. Now, that's all fine and dandy. I'm a leo. I like to look good. I like fashion, and I care what I look like, as do millions of other women. But dudes, really. You need to step up. Start buying GQ, Mens Vogue, and Details. Maxim is not going to help you find a woman, and Jessica Biel is not going to sleep with you...ever.

Look- you're not all lost causes. No one's saying to change everything you do, just to um, make it seem like you, you know- give a crap. Pink is a color-- if it looks good, wear it. Argyle is nice-- embrace it. If Kanye can wear jeans that fit with a nice shirt and a sweater, so can you. Trust me, if anyone questions your manhood over a color you wear, you've got bigger problems, because those people thought those things about you before you even thought about buying that shirt. If it's another dude, or a friend, well look at his wardrobe and his life. If the last time he got laid was in 1992 with sloppy drunk girl named Betty who no one else would touch with a 10 foot pole without 2 gallons of mr. daniels, well maybe you need to drop his opinion of what you wear a little lower on the "I give a damn" meter. Discover an iron--it works wonders. Also, I'd ditch anything patent leather, or too over the top. Unless you're P. Diddy, stay away from the fur. Look, the main thing is to be yourself. My guy wears clothes that fit, and he looks good--no, great. He's a man's man, and he's sexy at it. He doesn't look like he fell out of a GQ magazine, but that's okay, because he knows what works on him (polos and t-shirts) and what doesn't (fedoras and leather bracelets). Big basics you need to have in your closet: A black suit, a good pair of jeans, shoes that aren't sketchers or timberlands, and a classic crisp dress shirt that doesn't look like you stole it from your father's closet. Also important, like GQ stated, dress socks need to be long enough so that when you sit or cross your leg, the world doesn't need to see your stupid, unshaven (yeah, still a little bitter about that one) leg. I remember the guys at my high school---in the inner city of Paterson NJ, and they looked good. They dressed like men, they did preppy-- but made it their own. If a guy had braids, he made shure they looked good--shape-ups were always up to date, and everyone was turing Tommy Hilfiger into the brand he is today...well, until he went stupid and allegedly said some un-educated things, and everyone moved onto the next brand you needed to own, Eddie Bauer. My point is, the boys looked good, and they did it well. Even the guys (ok...like 3) who went punk did it with style. Like I said, guys- get it together. I bid you good day.

Now ladies-- there is craziness in the streets. Yes, craziness. Bubble minis that look like they're made out of a down comforter, white stockings with brown boots...in July, and a whole bunch of ugly that I can't even get into. New York City...center of the universe...for fashion anyway. That's what I've been hearing, but I don't see it-- I'm not really seeing it at all. I know we're supposed to be the thinking woman, who's smart, quick, and can do it all (boys eat your heart out). That's fine-- but I've been looking around in the stores, on the streets and subways, and out and about in the city, and ladies, we're looking a bit rough. I was on the coming from Hoboken the other day, and I swear on all that is holy, I saw women who looked beat at 9am...now, come on! After work, ok. Long day, you're tired, and you put on the flats because after your boss' BS and the stress with your girlfriend, and we won't even get started on your man, you're tired. But 9am? Stop it. You can't look beat at 9am...you just can't. If you could barely pull yourself out of bed and shower and get dressed, maybe you need to just take the day to rest. Wet hair squished up in a clip? a shirt half tucked with a skirt that looks like it used to belong to your mom? And then you have the nerve to be reading a Cosmo? Stop it. Look, I have my days, everyone does. Believe me, there are days when I totally miss. But, I go down swinging. I make an attempt to look presentable, and if I don't have it in me to be over the top, I keep it basic. Long white tee with a chunky belt and skinny (straight leg fit, because true skinny jeans make me look ridiculous) jeans and some peep toe flats, and I'm out the door. Most times I'll throw on a cardigan or blazer to complete the look. All I'm saying is, if you don't have the energy, keep it simple. And please, take the 10 minutes to dry your damn hair- you look insane.

Lets start with the wrap dress. I like them, they look good...just not on me. I take that back- they don't look horrible, I just don't think I'm woman enough for the wrap dress. I'm not old enough yet. It's not edgy fashion- very classic, it screams 30 something ann taylor loft shopper. I've decided that if Vanessa Williams can wear it (and look amazing), I need to hold off for a few years. A look I'm liking a lot is funky tights. Lots of stores are carrying them, and I think they'll always spice up the cold season (if we ever actually get to a cold season). Keep it funky, and stay away from white-- they scream little girl going to church.

As for work attire, ladies, let's stop looking like we just graduated, and we're going on interviews. eh? Find a brand of suit that works for you, and wear that one. Stop shopping at ann taylor if you look like you're mom. That doesn't make you look professional, it makes you look like you don't have any style of your own. Check out great places like Macy's, where there is a variety of suit fits and styles. Take a day, and see what works for you. When you figure it out, then go out to other places and take that knowledge with you. Pencil skirts are great, as are A-Lines. Try them on, and see what works. Button down wovens are classic. Try to spice them up a bit every now and again. Also, I love turtlenecks, but that's because I have a long neck, and I look good in them. If those don't work for you, look into some other sweaters that are out now-- this season (if it ever gets cold enough) is going to be GREAT for stylish sweaters, all styles. A little tip, I try to stay away from items that you can instantly tell are from a specific store--very bold items such as the old navy sweaters in the new commercial-- not because I don't think they're nice, but places like The Gap, Old Navy, H&M, and Banana Republic are so widely shopped in, you'll no doubt see that piece on at least 12 other women...and that's just on the walk from your apartment to the train station. The exception, however, is the hounds tooth coat from Sarah Jessica Parker from her Bitten line at Steve and Barry's. I don't care how many women are going to be in it this winter....I love it, and I'll be rocking it too...and it'll be fabulous!

Other great trends I like are the booties. Ladies, grab a pair you love, because they'll be in style for quite some time. Rider boots are also a very sexy classic. I'm currently stalking a pair of Steve Madden riding boots. One style I would definitely lose is the colored jeans. Honestly, I don't think this could look any more ridiculous. First of all, if you don't have a classic black dress in you closet, or a classic trench coat, you have no business trying to prance around in purple skinny jeans. What else am I liking? I think this season, make sure you pick up one decadent item to add to the closet. I'm thinking an over-the-top boot, but that's for me. Find a really great over the top item such as a coat with fur trim or a great bag, and you're set.

With so much going on for the Fall, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Look at it like this-- if you are like me, and you love the cropped capelets and jackets, but due to abnormally long arms and a urkelesque short torso (thanks mom), leave them in the store, and on the pages of the magazine. They weren't meant for you. Stores I like to venture into at least once a week are Express, Gap, and DSW. Be sure to check out Forever 21 for cute, quick, cheap finds. Zara also has some great pieces this season. For those who are clueless, or who want some truly great style tips, watch Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. That show is great...except for Veronica Webb...I could do without her. I'm sure she means well, but she's not really a style icon...or fashion maven for that matter...there were no other models? Eh whatevs. It's not about the girl with no edges (for those not familiar, that refers to the edges around her hairline), it's about Tim. If you want to "make it work", read this blog :-), and then set your DVR for Tim. Until next time, that's all, folks!

Preview for the next entry: Fall TV...What do you need to watch live? What can be set on the TiVO? What should you just stream on the internet? And, which shows should you forget about (because they're already as good as cancelled)?

The Comeback

Well folks, I've been gone for a while, but I'm back, and there's SOOO much to talk about---for instance, reasons why people are still SO SLOW in the mornings...(I touched on this before, but it's in full effect now)...I mean, seriously, don't you have to get to work? Move up the damn stairs! That sound you hear is two things: the train that we're about to miss because of your slow butt, and it's also my foot about to kick you down the stairs! Go! Anyhoo, other things to talk about, like, how Bruce Willis is like 60, and still hot (props to Lindsay Lo for tapping that). Maybe Lindsay's spiral down Drew Barrymore lane at the cross-section of Robert Downey Jr. Avenue---why men are into anal sex, and what that's about...even the condom/balloon perched on the handle bar across from me that promotes safe sex (seriously, the sentence "Have safe sex"is written on said condom/balloon in either lipstick or a sharpie)...but I want to talk about something that I've been seeing in this non-season between summer and fall when fashion looks confused and the city is running rampant with fashion victims.

I want to talk about comebacks...what is going on? Britney, 50, Kanye, the Primetime Fall lineup, leggings. Everything is coming back this fall, or at least making an attempt. Even Shar Jackson found herself in a couple of the gossip rags...seriously-- the last thing Shar Jackson did was pop out one of K-Fed's illegitimate kids. Is there anything wrong with that? No. I'm a bastardo baby myself. But, really, she should just be stripped of any celeb "status". No one cares about Shar Jackson's input on, well, anything...I bet half of you reading this don't even know her...so, I'm moving on to other things. Like, Britney, but just for a moment. Still reeling from her catastrophe also known as the opening "performance" at the so-called "award show" also known as the VMAs. The weave, the "dancing", the lip syncing-- it was all so so so atrocious. And what was with Sarah Silverman? I mean, it's one thing to poke fun at people when you bring it full circle, and, um you're famous. Sarah Silverman isn't really funny, and she's not that famous either. It's almost sad that the most famous Sarah Silverman will ever be is for schtupping Jimmy Kimmel, and being the princess of the now flailing Comedy Central.

Ah, that brings us to the thing that has been kind of bugging me. Justin Timberlake. Yeah, I know-- he brought sexyback, in the form of three-piece suits and vans, or whatever over-priced sneaker he wears with the aforementioned attire. His new restaurant, Southern Hospitality is, well- how should I put this-- blech. His clothing line, William Rast, is over-priced...seriously-- do you really see him in the middle of it, planning out looks for fall and spring, and color schemes and measurements and whatnot? I think not. To be honest, I'm kind of over him. Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Cameron Diaz- who cares. His record was a hit because of Timberland...don't believe me? Case in point; Robin Thicke. Robin has that same falsetto, white guy who's cool and is all about being on Hot 97, with a suit and sneakers. Listen to the albums-- both good in their own right, with one small exception- Justin is the apparent golden child. All I'm saying, is they are the same person, and since Robin wasn't in a boy band, wearing shiny metallic suits, and sleeping with Britney Spears pre-spaced out looking dirty kids and a shaved head, he should be in the spotlight. Really, this just screams to the importance of having great producers....poor Robin. Maybe the next album. Well, it's past my bedtime, kiddies-- but I'll leave you with these 2 nuggets; JC Chasez (the better singer in N*Sync, who seems to have the worst songwriting and producing skills ever) is producing a track for the new Backstreet Boys album, titled "Unbreakable". Yeah, I said it- Backstreet Boys and new album in the same sentence, and that guy from Fall Out Boy, Pete Wentz...um, well he's apparently a designer now. He's doing a line under DKNY, that no doubt, will be many unaffordable dollars...his muse? Ashley Simpson...ugh. Discuss among yourselves. Until next week-- That's all folks!

Peek at Next Week's Topic: Fall/Winter Fashion 101: WHAT NOT TO WEAR (This will be for EVERYBODY, i.e. gals, dudes, shorties, the folks with the curves, blessed up top, or down below and all inbetween)- good stuff!