Oh, Why Can't People Just Give You Some Space?

So laziness has kept me away for a couple of weeks. For that, I suck. But in those short couple of weeks, I have seen a few things that I felt the need to share with my 'lil community of readers. Here goes.

I'm on the elevator, going upstairs for breakfast in the cafeteria. Now, the elevator had people in it, but it wasn't full. In fact, there was plenty of space on the other side of this woman, who was practically pressed up against me as if we were in some lesbian Spanish telenovella. All I could think about, was Why won't she move!? I just didn't understand why do these people insist on standing up under you? It's ridiculous. There's room just 1 foot away. We're not lovers, and even though I've showered and I'm "Sure", I still don't want you underneath my left breast. Next time, I suggest everyone just give the close elevators standers (C.E.S.) a little elbow nudge nothing quite WWE, just enough to let them know that you don't want to know what kind of shampoo they do or don't use.

So I was in the store the other day, and I swear, it was $5.00 for 2 light bulbs--that's right, folks, $5 smackeroos for 2 40 watt light bulbs. I just want to say, I don't know when the wild shortage of glass or metal or whatever else a light bulb is made of happened, but I don't want to be a part of a world where the price of a # 2 at McDonald's is the same price as 2 low watt light bulbs. I'll just live in darkness, thank you very much.

Last, I must say, I am having a little bit of trouble with religious zealots lately. I don't understand it. It's everywhere, from Isaac Hayes and Scientology to the weirdo yelling Born Again Christian on the subway on my way to work. In a side note, I know crazy doesn't take a break, but really? 8:45AM? Take a nap or something. Anyway, back to crazy religious zealots. Remember when Tom Cruise was cool? He was an actor, who happened to be a Scientologist. Great for you Tom, really. But, you didn't decide to go cure cancer, or put up dry wall. You wanted to be Maverick, and the guy in Minority Report. You wanted Mission Impossible, and you got it. Isn't it enough that I spend my little entertainment budget on going to see your movies? For pete's sake Tom. Leave me alone. It's enough that you're rich. Just be religious on your own time not while I'm trying to watch the Today Show. As for Isaac Hayes, I have a bone to pick with him. I would just like to say, Isaac, you SUCK. I spend my hard earned money on tickets for your stupid show at the Irving Plaza for my parents Christmas presents. Out of all of the artists, I knew you were one of their favorites. But you get a bad back and postpone. Then, you cancel the show outright. Now, my Christmas present is crap, because you were exhausted. Not too too exhausted to go on a little mini- rant about your beliefs and why you're quitting South Park. Just like I don't care what anyone's sexual preference is, I could care less about your Scientology beliefs actually, I couldn't care less. You sir, are a douche, and not because of your religion, (because I'm sure there are normal everyday members just wishing folks like you and Tom Cruise would stop embarrassing them) but because you're well enough to bitch, but not well enough to do your job singing at concerts. As for that crazy Born-Again guy on the train, well, um you just keep doing what you do brother. As for the rest of us, I suggest we all set our iPods on Play.